gdc 14: day 0

This event inevitably forms some sort of milestone. It's kind of like new years eve, I cannot help but take stock of the year that has passed. How have I grown as a designer? What have I made since last time?

It wasn't until I went to college that I was aware of the concept of a game designer. As soon as I was aware of it I knew that that was what I wanted to do.

To my great disappointment I was not very good at it. 

I thought about giving up so many times, indeed I did stop making games for a couple of years. I am so glad I stuck with it. I would yet not call myself a good game designer, but I can see myself getting closer. I am better than I was last year and better still than the year before.

The whole process has felt more like a train slowly getting started, grinding into life, than a rocket blasting in to space. There has been some occasional flashes, but mostly it has been a slow growth. I have had to learn, and unlearn and relearn lessons so many times now sometimes I feel like I must be lost here. If I frame game design as a craft instead of a skill, this timeline makes a lot more sense. But maybe I am just a slow learner :)

gdc 14: day -2

Here we are again. I am so happy to be back in San Francisco for the third year in a row. For years and years I dreamed of coming here and I feel so lucky and fortunate that I get to do it. People have laughed in my face about my feelings about gdc but I don't care. They are not the first to think I am an idiot and they won't be the last.

I fucking LOVE gdc. This is not a business conference to me, or a networking event, or even a wild party time. My experience of these few days is one of creative awe. It's a realisation of teenage utopian dreams, of intellectual overload, destruction and birth.

In fact, very little of what is special about this time has anything to do with games, or event the conference itself. For me it is about being surrounded by people wildly more talented and intelligent than myself. 

It's intoxicating, inspiring, challenging and occasionally daunting and upsetting. I know that when this time is done, I will be a little bit better, smarter and more capable. I will have taken steps on this long path of honing my craft.